The walls of dorm were painted in colorful pastels, yet the faces of people in the room was looking pale. The never ending deaden silence was spread across the entire room. A 22 year old boy name Abhishek Arnav had been committed suicide by hanging through the ceiling . In one of corners of room his dead body was lying and covered by a white cloth; a lady in late 40’s who seems to be victims mother was sitting promptly near the corpse, sobbing continuously without any hiatus of second. Women’s daughter in wet eyes was trying to calm her,in-spite of any relief that increases the intensity of her mourns. She was shouting loudly “someone please bring my son back” but no one dares to utter a single word in reply. How could someone tell her that man is immortal and one who passes away will never return.When no one estimates that mother grief for her only son then no one have legal write to say something. On two face to face chairs, boy’s father and inspection officer were sitting and discussing the possible causes of suicide. All of a sudden, one of the cop rushed to officer in charge and said: sir boy has left a suicide letter, I found it beneath his pillow. As officer was going to open the letter, a line written in bold blue letters stopped him from doing so," to my dad only" .Understanding the vitality of beguile scenario, officer handed that suicide note to Arnav’s father. After getting a nod from the officer, reckless father unfolded the letter and started to read every word of it …
Hii Dad,
I know your hands will be shivering, face should be frozen and heart beating faster than ever before while holding this letter. Sorry but I am determined to escape from the boredom of life. For rest of the world, this is going to be a suicide note of a coward boy who failed in examination or may be ended his life due to a girl issue. Despite other anticipations, for me it is a confession letter to my father; whom I found closet to me and who remains my hero throughout my life. There is no need to feel bad; so far you have given me best upbringing possible from food, school, cloths, friendly ambiance and a belief that I am the only apt person to judge myself.
Let me tell you one thing, I am not the person who loves to lose. Though I have no idea, what I have achieved .Every single time I failed to achieve something, it is not just about an opportunity that I had missed but in reply blessed with number of odd, absurd, meaningless thoughts too.These negative thoughts become part of my identity and transformed me into a pessimist. Somehow under hatred thoughts for myself, my did, indeed and other happenings of the past perturbs me. I am at the brim where I will collapse under self developed circumstances.
Papa, I am not a loony boy who found suicide an escape option from the hurdles and pickles of life. In real, I have contradiction with the fact that “coward’s commits suicide” but what I feel is that to commit suicide there need accumulation of strong will, adamant heart and a brain that gets panic in second. I just become unable to lubricate or spontaneously believe anything. I think, I am missing curiosity, wonder, amazement, awe and mystery in my days and nights. I abhor this frenzy world and so much noise all around. Literary it feels like everyone is ramming on my head for no genuine reason. People are giving me suggestions though I never asked them for any. They don’t know how to walk straight but still cleave and disses me to follow social ethics. I always wanted to run faster but not in someone else shoes. God has not reserved a particular lane for me to walk that means I have to walk on the same road with other hundreds and thousands of people, rubbing each other just in order to make own journey cozy;Pretty Shady.
Is it absurd dad?
If yes, then a living a life following same pattern, same routine is bizarre too. I don’t want to be one of train's compartments , who runs over same tracks, passes same city, same platform everyday in a hope that one day load on him will be diminished but that is just a delusion; nothing else.I know I am killing myself but I believe in afterlife. I read in Bhagwat Gita that death is not the end. A soul born and die 80,000 times in the bodies of different living beings, from a miniature insect to a gigantic elephant. So why should I struck to this human body. Just because human races are found to be above all.
No pulse, No pain(Eternal or internal)........ I started to believe.I had a privileged childhood and an adorable adolescence but venom that was poured in my youth age gave me some better experience. Although till now I have no idea what pain really is? How it feels,its math and aftermath? So in order to experience it, I decided to hang myself using same muffler that you brought for me last winter. I suppose hanging is more deaden and painful instead of overdose of sleeping pills, a bullet in head or jumping from a multi storey building .I have chosen muffler as noose medium just because I want to die in you essence. This is known to me that you, mom and Riya will miss me for the rest of upcoming life. Without me every second, everyday is hard for you to survive. Riya will help you two to get out of this state of seclusion . Apart from my elder sister she is my best friend too, hope she understands me and cope quite well through these hard days.
I’m tired of living, I’m tired of trying, I am just pretty hapless. I have nothing much to say, even my pen is hardly moving over the paper. I condemn this Nature, which has so brazenly and unceremoniously inflicted this suffering; to annihilation along with me… So I decided to try it once and forever, to get hell out of this rational life.Since I am unable to destroy Nature, I am destroying only myself, solely out of the weariness of enduring a tyranny in which there is no guilty party.
Bye:farewell:goodbye Your ..... son,
(Abhishek Arnav)
P.S : I erased the word obedient before son, because I am not that right guy whom this word will describe.
